Ever notice it’s the people and things you value most that cause you the most frustration? The most grief? Over the years I realized more and more that the people who I am not emotionally attached to, those who just don’t pull at my heartstrings- are the ones I am most easy to release of their negative actions. I am much easier to coach myself through their rants and general bad behaviour. I get over them a lot faster and quicker. Not so with that special group.
This special group are the people and things I have an investment in. They are the ones I have given a few of my heartstrings to and boy is it tough to get over this group’s rants and bad behaviours! Thankfully, I learned awhile back, you can’t give what you don’t have and that no one can offend you unless you give them permission. These are wise words spoken by long time ago first lady Eleanor Roosevelt.
So why do you get upset with your manager at work? Your colleagues? Your vendors? The sales reps? Your patients/clients? Yep, because you have invested in these folks. If you are not emotionally engaged with them nothing they do or say would trigger the level of frustration you experience. Nothing. But, because you have invested in them emotionally when they ‘don’t deliver’ the way you expect them to- it frightens you.
Now, as a manager you might be saying, I am not emotionally invested in them I am just making sure they fulfill their duties and responsibilities. That’s your emotional investment! The currency you are using to get a return on your company’s investment is your need for your direct reports to honour their end of the agreement.
It’s your expectation of these folks that’s actually causing you your grief and frustration. You see, you can spend your investment in ways that do bring you a greater return on your investment. Here’s what I mean. Rather than labeling the actions or in-actions of your direct reports as them being lazy, incompetent, don’t care about the work/organization- release these labels and expectations of them.
Speak into them what you actually want. Get comfortable calling out the goodness you see in them- no matter how minuscule! Look for what you want in them and invest in that versus investing in what you don’t want. Placing your valuable time, emotions and energy in to getting frustrated and upset and angry with this special group only lead to more frustration and fear that your investment is going south.
Get clear on your INTENTION and that of your direct reports. Clarity leads to better choices and better choices lead to better results. How clear are they? How clear are you?
Assess your DESIRE for working with this special group. Is it weak or is it strong? The strength of your desire will shape the quality of your interactions
What ACTION (s) can you take that will help you better able to get more comfortable call out your direct reports’ goodness?
If you were to apply one of the identified actions daily, what kinds of RESULTS would you see in your investments? Your emotional energy? The level of productivity in your organization?
How would you EVALUATE the use of IDARE is helpful? What signs would you look for? What results in your level of emotional energy would you look for?
Here’s to loving how you live, work and play!